Max Outt, Arrogant Personal Trainer, was never one to hide his vast and impressive latissimus dorsi muscles, or “lats” as he proudly called them. To him, these were his defining feature, a symbol of his immense strength and unrivaled physique. But the gym wasn’t just a place for him to work out; it was also the arena where he fought a battle against those who dared to feign having impressive lats like his own.
“Max Outt here,” he boomed in his characteristic self-assured tone, addressing a camera crew as they captured him in all his lats glory. “I want to talk to you about ILS, Imaginary Lat Syndrome.”
In his iconic blue shirt, Max Outt stood tall, his arms spread wide to show off his real lats. It wasn’t just a pose; his lats were so massive that his arms stuck out effortlessly.
Max Outt was, in his own mind, the embodiment of what a truly exceptional bodybuilder looked like. And as a gym owner, he couldn’t help but notice the pretenders who roamed his establishment, trying to mimic the grandeur of his wide lats.
“I see these guys all the time,” Max continued, a note of irritation creeping into his voice. “Tiny lats, but their arms are spread out really wide, as if they had lats like mine.”
His disdain for what he called “lat impostors” was palpable. He saw them as interlopers, trying to steal his thunder by feigning what he had genuinely earned through years of dedicated training.
“As far as the way I carry myself,” Max proclaimed, “I don’t have a choice. My latissimus dorsi muscles are so big that they jut out my arms to the degree you’re looking at.”
The gym owner had no qualms about telling the world that he was the real deal, a genuine bodybuilding superstar. But he was infuriated by the fact that not everyone could tell the difference between his awe-inspiring physique and the phony posturing of others.
In a nostalgic moment, Max shared that in the ’90s, he had worn a T-shirt with the word “real” boldly printed on it, with arrows pointing to his lats. He believed that his shirt served as a beacon of authenticity, allowing the public to recognize the real deal when they saw it.
Max Outt wasn’t content with merely bemoaning the existence of lat cheats. He had taken it upon himself to counsel those afflicted with Imaginary Lat Syndrome at his gym. His diagnostic criteria for ILS were stringent, and those who fell short had to pay the price.
“If I deem a gym member to have ILS,” he proclaimed, “they have to undergo four half-hour sessions of counseling at $75 each visit, or forfeit their gym membership.”
However, Max Outt had bigger plans in mind. He was on a mission to gain official recognition as the Lat Czar. With the support of Governor Schwarzenegger, he hoped to have his counseling sessions funded by the state, making them compulsory for all Californians.
Max Outt even declared an entire month as “Imaginary Lat Syndrome month” to raise awareness about this pressing issue. He had a message for all the lat cheats out there: unless you have lats like his, keep those arms in.
With a resounding “Max Outt! Wide out,” he left no room for doubt that he would continue to be the guardian of the lat legacy and the unapologetic champion of his mighty lats.
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Max Outt, Arrogant Personal Trainer, Episode 2, Imaginary Lat Syndrome
Max Outt here. I want to talk to you about ILS, Imaginary Lat Syndrome. Yes, that’s me in the blue shirt–bold, proud, and possessor of real lats. As a gym owner I frequency see these guys with tiny lats but they’re arms are spread really wide as if they had lats like, like my size.
As the far as the way I carry myself, I don’t have a choice. My latissimus dorsi muscles are so big that they out out my arms to the degree you’re looking at. There are, however, a number of phonies out there that just stick out their arms and think that’s the same thing as having big lats like I have. Lat impostors are a dime a dozen. I’m the real deal and it sickens me that some people can’t tell the difference. In the ’90s I used to wear a T-shirt that had the word real printed on it with arrows pointing to my lats. I think the public is now educated enough to discern the difference.
These days I reach out to lat cheats by counseling imaginary lat syndrome sufferers at my gym. If I deem a gym member to have ILS they have to undergo four half hour sessions of counseling at $75 each visit, or forfeit their gym membership.
I’m trying to get Governor Schwarzenegger to designate me lat czar so my counseling can be state funded and compulsory for all Californians. Don’t worry, my counseling won’t burden tax payers or increase the deficit because the government will pay for it.
To create awareness, right now, officially, I’m declaring this month Imaginary Lat Syndrome month. Remember unless you have these, keep the arms in.
Max Outt! Wide out.
Until next time, Max Out!!!
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