Max Outt, Arrogant Personal Trainer, Episode 2, Imaginary Lat Syndrome
Max Outt here. I want to talk to you about ILS, Imaginary Lat Syndrome. Yes, that’s me in the blue shirt–bold, proud, and possessor of real lats. As a gym owner I frequency see these guys with tiny lats but they’re arms are spread really wide as if they had lats like, like my size.
As the far as the way I carry myself, I don’t have a choice. My latissimus dorsi muscles are so big that they out out my arms to the degree you’re looking at. There are, however, a number of phonies out there that just stick out their arms and think that’s the same thing as having big lats like I have. Lat impostors are a dime a dozen. I’m the real deal and it sickens me that some people can’t tell the difference. In the ’90s I used to wear a T-shirt that had the word real printed on it with arrows pointing to my lats. I think the public is now educated enough to discern the difference.
These days I reach out to lat cheats by counseling imaginary lat syndrome sufferers at my gym. If I deem a gym member to have ILS they have to undergo four half hour sessions of counseling at $75 each visit, or forfeit their gym membership.
I’m trying to get Governor Schwarzenegger to designate me lat czar so my counseling can be state funded and compulsory for all Californians. Don’t worry, my counseling won’t burden tax payers or increase the deficit because the government will pay for it.
To create awareness, right now, officially, I’m declaring this month Imaginary Lat Syndrome month. Remember unless you have these, keep the arms in.
Max Outt! Wide out.
Until next time, Max Out!!!